Joke of the day

[Flameangel]

 

[Flameangel]

 

[Flameangel]

After some antibiotics recently I had this experience sitting in a typically (un) expected traffic jam in the GT1… I was desperately
‘prepared’ to deploy the towel if I could reach it…maybe the Nappa could handle it better

Oh dear, hope you are feeling better lol

 

[MerlintheMad]

View attachment 66539

Yabba dabba doo!

 

[JSolo]

View attachment 66540

They're promising upwards of a foot of snow in the next 18 hours for this area. That ain't no joke! We had no snow during nov/dec which is rare for this area. After the snow comes single digits. Who needs to move to .CA when chicago is just as cold/snowy.

 

[Chark]

 

[Flameangel]

They're promising upwards of a foot of snow in the next 18 hours for this area. That ain't no joke! We had no snow during nov/dec which is rare for this area. After the snow comes single digits. Who needs to move to .CA when chicago is just as cold/snowy.

I haven’t seen snow for 37 years since leaving Uk as a kid. My Aussie born kids have never seen snow in real life.We hope to take them to the snow one of these days so they can have that experience of making a snow man and having a snowball fight .

 

[ShannonC]

 

[westcoastGT]

At the Saturday morning service the rabbi announced that he was planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.

Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and proclaims: "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says: "If the rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!" More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile: "If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex." There is total silence.

The rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Rubin, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"

Estelle's 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "f*ck him."

 

[fxstc]

The difference between a Northern girl and a Southern girl.
A Northern girl says you can.
A Southern girl says y'all can.

 

[Chark]

 

[Buzzrush]

 

[JSolo]

Toilet paper holder or something else.............hmmm...

 

[westcoastGT]

Toilet paper holder or something else.............hmmm...

Glory Hole ! the safe way to have sex during covid . Honestly our provincial health minister said this !

 

[eljay]

 

[OliverNuther]

I’ve had to break up with my new girlfriend.

I noticed in her wardrobe that she had a French maid’s outfit, a nurses uniform and a police woman’s uniform.

Bugger it, I thought. If she can’t hold down a job then she’s too unstable for me.

 

[westcoastGT]

I’ve had to break up with my new girlfriend.

I noticed in her wardrobe that she had a French maid’s outfit, a nurses uniform and a police woman’s uniform.

Bugger it, I thought. If she can’t hold down a job then she’s too unstable for me.

good on you Ollie , can you send her my way , I'd like to interview her for another job .............................bawaaaaaa

 

[Ozstung]

 

[eljay]

 

[westcoastGT]

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door.
She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday

I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

THAT'S WHY WE MISS
RODNEY DANGERFIELDie



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