Joke of the day
- Thread starter Ozstung
- Start date
cjbigcog
Active Member
Massive time suck: r/IdiotsInCars
moinmoin
1000 Posts Club!
eljay
1000 Posts Club!
So, hot cross nuns?
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Ozstung
5000 Posts Club!
moinmoin
1000 Posts Club!
Are hot cross buns a thing in the US?
You may like this one...
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are walking through a festival and stop in front of a street performer. He calls out, “Can everybody see me?” and they say no, so he climbs on top of a stage and asks, “Can you see me now?” They answer:
“Yes!”
“Oui!”
“¡Si!”
“Ja!
eljay
1000 Posts Club!
They were a thing when I was a kid in California in the fifties. "One a penny, two a penny. . . " But the buns they sold in our supermarkets around Easter were really awful and not at all authentic. Kind of like ALL "convenience" food in the U.S. in the fifties (Minute Rice, Cheez Whiz, Tang, TV dinners . . . you get the picture). It's a wonder we all survived.
namja
Stinger Enthusiast
This reminded me of this:
Austrian Brothel Offering Men Vouchers in Exchange for COVID-19 Jab
A brothel in Austria is using women's bodies as a reward for men willing to get the COVID-19 vaccination. Funpalast, a brothel in Vienna, Austria has announced that they are giving men who get the vaccine at their in-house clinic a voucher for entry to its sexual 'sauna club,'
4w.pub
Flameangel
2500 Posts Club!
Sounds like here, the hot cross buns at the supermarket are now available all year round not just At Easter time. And their not that flash.
______________________________
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Flameangel
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Flameangel
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Flameangel
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Flameangel
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Ozstung
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Subject: Fwd: Getting to know .
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on their honeymoon at a resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. After seventy-five laps she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
WAIT FOR IT!!
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Mildura, but I worked both sides of the Murray!!!
* the Murray is major river separating rural Victoria and New south wales.
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on their honeymoon at a resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. After seventy-five laps she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
WAIT FOR IT!!
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Mildura, but I worked both sides of the Murray!!!
* the Murray is major river separating rural Victoria and New south wales.
From interior to exterior to high performance - everything you need for your Stinger awaits you...
OliverNuther
1000 Posts Club!
Good one Ozzie. I have to confess initially I thought it was going to be this one:
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on their honeymoon at a resort.
They had a great time and upon their return, having not even lived together before the marriage, move into his unit while they look for a bigger place.
As they’re unpacking their suitcases he grabs a pair of his jeans and throws them over to his new bride. ‘Here sweetie, try these on for size.’
So she puts them on and they swallow her up. ‘ Oh these are far too big.’ she said. ‘I can’t wear your pants.’
‘Damn right.’ he says. ‘I wear the pants around here. You remember that and we‘ll get along just fine.’
The lady bites her lip, says nothing and keeps unpacking her suitcase until she finds a pair of lacy knickers. ‘Here honey, try these on.’ she says huskily.
Excitedly he grabs them and steps into them. It’s a disaster. They don’t even get up to his thighs before snapping into bits. ‘Oh that’s no good’ he says. ‘I can’t get into your pants.’
’Yeah and you fkn won’t ever again if you don’t change your bloody attitude.’ she says.
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on their honeymoon at a resort.
They had a great time and upon their return, having not even lived together before the marriage, move into his unit while they look for a bigger place.
As they’re unpacking their suitcases he grabs a pair of his jeans and throws them over to his new bride. ‘Here sweetie, try these on for size.’
So she puts them on and they swallow her up. ‘ Oh these are far too big.’ she said. ‘I can’t wear your pants.’
‘Damn right.’ he says. ‘I wear the pants around here. You remember that and we‘ll get along just fine.’
The lady bites her lip, says nothing and keeps unpacking her suitcase until she finds a pair of lacy knickers. ‘Here honey, try these on.’ she says huskily.
Excitedly he grabs them and steps into them. It’s a disaster. They don’t even get up to his thighs before snapping into bits. ‘Oh that’s no good’ he says. ‘I can’t get into your pants.’
’Yeah and you fkn won’t ever again if you don’t change your bloody attitude.’ she says.
______________________________
Ozstung
5000 Posts Club!
Touchè Ollie. Lol
moinmoin
1000 Posts Club!
GRAMMAR:
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his
wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine
man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple
cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation
and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder,
warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and
then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you
have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you
want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and
asked “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does,
the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered,
shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to
join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2 3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked:
"What was the 1-2-3 for ?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences
with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling
participle
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his
wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine
man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple
cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation
and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder,
warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and
then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you
have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you
want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and
asked “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does,
the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered,
shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to
join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2 3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked:
"What was the 1-2-3 for ?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences
with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling
participle
moinmoin
1000 Posts Club!
Ozstung
5000 Posts Club!
I guess the culprate left stumped.
From interior to exterior to high performance - everything you need for your Stinger awaits you...
