Joke of the day

[moinmoin]

Two bowling teams, one from the city of Doofberg and one from the city of Brightsdale,
hail a double decker bus for a tournament in Atlantic City.
The Doofbergians take the upper tier of the bus while the Brightsdalians take the lower tier.

The Brightsdalians are having a lot of fun, talking and joking together, when they suddenly notice
that hey don't hear anything from the Doofbegians upstairs.
Concerned, one goes up to investigate and is surprised to see the Doofbergians frozen in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road, clinging to their chairs' arm rests for dear life.

"Say, what's wrong?" he inquires. "We're all having an excellent time downstairs.

" One of the Doofbergians then turns to him and says, "Yeah, but you folks have a driver."

 

[moinmoin]

Subject: A young woman in New York City was so depressed...............

TRIP TO ITALY

A young woman in New York City was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make passionate love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

 

[moinmoin]

 

[moinmoin]

 

[Ozstung]

Any good?

 

[Chark]

For English Language Lovers:

What is the difference between 'Complete' and
"Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.' But in a linguistic conference in England, Sun Sherman, an Indian American, was the clever winner.

His response: When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished." And when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished.'

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

 

[Ozstung]

Subject: New Pistol


Ruger is coming out with a new pistol for sale in Australia in honour of our politicians and bureaucrats. It will be named the Public Servant.


It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

 

[JSolo]

 

[westcoastGT]

Subject: New Pistol


Ruger is coming out with a new pistol for sale in Australia in honour of our politicians and bureaucrats. It will be named the Public Servant.


It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

we definitely have those here !

 

[n8hegr8]

quoted 63k for ordering a ss.

 

[JSolo]

Part 2,

 

[MerlintheMad]

I can relate. One of my traumatic childhood memories involves this word, "ship". I was playing on the livingroom floor with my ships, a lot of ships: they were trumpet vine seed pods, the straighter ones, laid out like a fleet of Viking long SHIPs. I was singing about "ships" and my mom came in with a bar of soap and washed my mouth. Boy, did she feel bad when she realized her mistake. I learned to enunciate more clearly.

 

[westcoastGT]

I can relate. One of my traumatic childhood memories involves this word, "ship". I was playing on the livingroom floor with my ships, a lot of ships: they were trumpet vine seed pods, the straighter ones, laid out like a fleet of Viking long SHIPs. I was singing about "ships" and my mom came in with a bar of soap and washed my mouth. Boy, did she feel bad when she realized her mistake. I learned to enunciate more clearly.

yup I had the bar of soap routine a few times !

 

[JSolo]

^^That's considered child abuse today!@#

 

[moinmoin]

 

[moinmoin]

 

[MerlintheMad]

View attachment 65723

I'm stealing it (see avatar)

 

[cncBilly]

yup I had the bar of soap routine a few times !

Hmmm, my dad gave me cigarettes and rum and told me if I was going to talk like a sailor and may as well look like one.

 

[moinmoin]

I'm stealing it (see avatar)

You are welcome, and a Merry Christmas to you.

 

[Ozstung]

Im watching your favourite movie tonight @MerlintheMad .