Joke of the day
- Thread starter Ozstung
- Start date
RedCal
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Hockster
Stinger Enthusiast
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Flameangel
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This Lock-down is getting old and frankly I've had enough.
I've discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.
Same with the fridge.He only gives cold comfort.
I asked the lamp but she couldn't shed any new light on the situation.
The vacuum was rather rude and told me to suck it up.
The threshold was no better it suggested I get over it.
The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug.
But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn't offer an opinion.
The wall didn't say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.
The door knob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.
The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.....you guessed it - pull myself together.
Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked I didn't have a leg to stand on.
When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said my comment reflected poorly on my thinking.
However, in the end, the iron straightened things out.
She said everything will be fine.....no situation is too pressing for long anyway !!
I've discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.
Same with the fridge.He only gives cold comfort.
I asked the lamp but she couldn't shed any new light on the situation.
The vacuum was rather rude and told me to suck it up.
The threshold was no better it suggested I get over it.
The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug.
But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn't offer an opinion.
The wall didn't say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.
The door knob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.
The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.....you guessed it - pull myself together.
Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked I didn't have a leg to stand on.
When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said my comment reflected poorly on my thinking.
However, in the end, the iron straightened things out.
She said everything will be fine.....no situation is too pressing for long anyway !!
Ozstung
5000 Posts Club!
What did the bed say? "Better sleep on it"
Was the garden much help?or did you put your foot in it?
Did the oven roast you?
Was the garden much help?or did you put your foot in it?
Did the oven roast you?
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RedCal
2500 Posts Club!
Personally I don't think the bed gives a sheet
Hockster
Stinger Enthusiast
westcoastGT
5000 Posts Club!
AND i'LL BET THE CLOTHES LINE JUST HUNG YOU OUT TO DRY !What did the bed say? "Better sleep on it"
Was the garden much help?or did you put your foot in it?
Did the oven roast you?
Ozstung
5000 Posts Club!
The clothes dryer really spun me out. And the bath said it really had its fill of me. After what the basin told me ive really washed my hands with it.
Ozstung
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Subject: Hell Awaits!
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
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westcoastGT
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...................we all know that he is !!Subject: Hell Awaits!
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
MerlintheMad
10000 Posts Club!
Oo! "Danger, Will Robinson!" Remember what Jesus Christ said about judgment.
westcoastGT
5000 Posts Club!
it was theatre of the mind , and I simply observed what he was doing...............Oo! "Danger, Will Robinson!" Remember what Jesus Christ said about judgment.
Hockster
Stinger Enthusiast
I'd be dead if this was the case.
Ozstung
5000 Posts Club!
From interior to exterior to high performance - everything you need for your Stinger awaits you...
Hockster
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Flameangel
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Hockster
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eljay
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Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo:
"Thaw the chicken."
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA responded with a one-line memo:
"Thaw the chicken."
From interior to exterior to high performance - everything you need for your Stinger awaits you...
