Joke of the day
- Thread starter Ozstung
- Start date
cncBilly
2500 Posts Club!
A little growly are you?
eljay
1000 Posts Club!
I apologize in advance, but hey, it made me laugh.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian influenza.
A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT avian flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah,” not a single one could shout “Truck.”
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian influenza.
A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT avian flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah,” not a single one could shout “Truck.”
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Ozstung
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Subject: Fw: Paddy and Mick
Paddy and Mick were working on a construction site when Mick heard “Oh Shit”
Mick rushed over to see Paddy was using a chain saw and had cut off his leg.
Mick picked up the leg and put it in a plastic bag and took his pal Paddy to the hospital. Mick left him there to have his leg attached with surgery.
On his way to work next morning Mick went to visit Paddy but the hospital bed was empty, fearing the worst he asked the nurse after his friend. The nurse informed him that Paddy’s leg surgery was successful and the patient returned to work.
Back at the construction site, Mick approached Paddy and said, “I don’t believe your leg is mended enough to be here.”
“Don’t be stupid man, Doctors did a great job and I’m as tough as they come.”
Mick returned to his work station. Not long after he hears Paddy’s cry, “Oh, shit.”
Rushing over to see what was wrong, Mick saw that Paddy had cut off his arm. Nothing else to do but put the arm in a plastic bag and take Paddy to the hospital.
Mick left his friend in the care of the staff and expected to see Paddy in hospital the next morning.
Again, the bed was empty. The nurse told Mick the patient was well enough and returned to work.
And sure enough Paddy was hard at work cutting up timber for the site assuring Mick he was tough. A couple of hours into the job, Mick hears “Oh shit.” And rushes over to see that Paddy had cut off his head. He placed the head in a plastic bag and took his friend to the same hospital.
Next day, believing that this time Paddy would be kept in hospital Mick visits his friend and finds the bed empty. He enquires if his friend had returned to work as before. The nurse told him Paddy died.
Mick asked what happened was it too much to attach Paddy’s head.
“No, the surgery was successful, but someone put the patient’s head in a plastic bag and suffocated the poor bastard.
Paddy and Mick were working on a construction site when Mick heard “Oh Shit”
Mick rushed over to see Paddy was using a chain saw and had cut off his leg.
Mick picked up the leg and put it in a plastic bag and took his pal Paddy to the hospital. Mick left him there to have his leg attached with surgery.
On his way to work next morning Mick went to visit Paddy but the hospital bed was empty, fearing the worst he asked the nurse after his friend. The nurse informed him that Paddy’s leg surgery was successful and the patient returned to work.
Back at the construction site, Mick approached Paddy and said, “I don’t believe your leg is mended enough to be here.”
“Don’t be stupid man, Doctors did a great job and I’m as tough as they come.”
Mick returned to his work station. Not long after he hears Paddy’s cry, “Oh, shit.”
Rushing over to see what was wrong, Mick saw that Paddy had cut off his arm. Nothing else to do but put the arm in a plastic bag and take Paddy to the hospital.
Mick left his friend in the care of the staff and expected to see Paddy in hospital the next morning.
Again, the bed was empty. The nurse told Mick the patient was well enough and returned to work.
And sure enough Paddy was hard at work cutting up timber for the site assuring Mick he was tough. A couple of hours into the job, Mick hears “Oh shit.” And rushes over to see that Paddy had cut off his head. He placed the head in a plastic bag and took his friend to the same hospital.
Next day, believing that this time Paddy would be kept in hospital Mick visits his friend and finds the bed empty. He enquires if his friend had returned to work as before. The nurse told him Paddy died.
Mick asked what happened was it too much to attach Paddy’s head.
“No, the surgery was successful, but someone put the patient’s head in a plastic bag and suffocated the poor bastard.
moinmoin
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eljay
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When I stopped laughing I realized the location looked vaguely familiar—it's a block from the beach and the California Incline in Santa Monica. Ah, yes, we are design trendsetters here in SoCal.
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moinmoin
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Glad you liked it and had good laugh in 2021. Happy New Year!!!!
Ozstung
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Subject: Fwd: Oooops!
Flameangel
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Flameangel
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This is so true ....
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RedCal
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Flameangel
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Flameangel
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Flameangel
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From interior to exterior to high performance - everything you need for your Stinger awaits you...
