Joke of the day
- Thread starter Ozstung
- Start date
Not often you see a plumber working on a car.
Here’s one for all you romantic guys and gals.
- 430
- 578
- 98
It finally happened! The flight attendant asked "is there a doctor on this flight?" and I leapt up and said yes!
Did a tracheotomy at 30,000ft with a razor blade and ballpoint pen.
He didn't make it, but the thrill was undeniable.
Thinking of going to doctor school now.
Did a tracheotomy at 30,000ft with a razor blade and ballpoint pen.
He didn't make it, but the thrill was undeniable.
Thinking of going to doctor school now.
______________________________
- Thread starter
- #991
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Some senior moments back at you
Hope you like these
. . . Cute Signs
A sign in a shoe repair store reads :
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.
Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office :
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix”
At an Optometry's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.”
At a Car Dealership :
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop :
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming”
In a Veterinarian's waiting room :
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop :
"Best place in town to take a leak.”
And the best one for last...
Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution - This Truck is full of political promises”
. . . and some ‘little gems’ from life as you get older
If one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, "drinking responsibly” means not spilling it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, "The other day,"
I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer,
it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you,
just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing,"
it does not mean I am free. It means, "I am doing nothing!".
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend,
I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?”
When you get older and you try to do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing
on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east.”
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring.
Spend 30 seconds in my head and that will totally freak you out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere,
makes your heart race and changes you forever.
We call those people the police.
Hope you like these
. . . Cute Signs
A sign in a shoe repair store reads :
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.
Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office :
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix”
At an Optometry's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.”
At a Car Dealership :
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop :
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming”
In a Veterinarian's waiting room :
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop :
"Best place in town to take a leak.”
And the best one for last...
Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution - This Truck is full of political promises”
. . . and some ‘little gems’ from life as you get older
If one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, "drinking responsibly” means not spilling it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, "The other day,"
I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer,
it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you,
just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing,"
it does not mean I am free. It means, "I am doing nothing!".
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend,
I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?”
When you get older and you try to do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing
on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east.”
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring.
Spend 30 seconds in my head and that will totally freak you out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere,
makes your heart race and changes you forever.
We call those people the police.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush
A genealogist looks up the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush
100% true lol!!
______________________________
'' Whoopee do, what fun to have an appointment to see my Gynecologist " .......said no woman ever !ewwwwww
- Thread starter
- #998
I nearly became a Gynaecologist i was told there was an opening there for me.
haha I see what you did there!
My gf used to be a nurse and she had some strong opinions about the gynecologist in the hospital she worked at lmfao
