Joke of the day

[Flameangel]

What about the Booby bird, the great tit, and the long tailed tit. Lol.

Ah Terry Thomas frightfly entertaining old boy wat. His passenger was what a rotter one must say. Thanks Merlin. Had friends in England who talked like that. Dying breed those.

What can I say we are surrounded by tits ( feathered variety ), actually do we have them here ? or are they only in UK ?
Terry Thomas very plum in the mouth, not so many of them around now except at Buckingham Palace

 

[Flameangel]

A man goes to the doctor and says " Doc, Iv'e got a problem in a...well ,in a sensitive area. Can you take a look ? "
The doc says, " okay, go ahead and drop your pants. "
The patient does so, and turns around to where the doctor can see a bit of lettuce sticking out of his rear end.
" Oh, that's nothing," says the doctor
" Nothing?!" cries the patient, " Doc that's just the tip of the iceberg!"

 

[Ozstung]

You funny for a guurl ....lettuce ha,ha, Cos thats amusing.

 

[Flameangel]

You funny for a guurl ....lettuce ha,ha, Cos thats amusing.

Hmm...you really are a butterhead your'e romaine all over these threads

 

[Ozstung]

Hmm...you really are a butterhead your'e romaine all over these threads

Boy where did that Sprout from? Leaf it out

 

[OliverNuther]

I’m a terrible golfer but I love the game and the US Masters which is underway now is my favourite of the Majors so here are a couple of golfing jokes in honour of the Masters.

A man and his wife, both keen golfers, were playing one day when the man has hooked his drive into the light rough, his line of sight to the green partially obscured behind a tree. They’re both inspecting his lie and his wife says ‘ you know, I reckon if you choke down on a 3 iron, punch it out and keep it low and hook it a bit, I reckon you can get that to the base of the green.’ He has a look and says ‘yeah I think you’re right’. So he lines up and smashes it. No good, the ball hits the tree and rebounds into his wife’s forehead killing her stone dead!

A few years later on he’s remarried to another keen golfer and amazingly he’s played the same shot again on the same hole and ended up with the same lie. His new wife gives him the same advice; choke down on a 3 iron and punch it out to the base of the green. He looks at her, looks at the shot and says ‘ Nah, I’ll chip out to the fairway. Last time I tried that shot I triple bogied.’

 

[OliverNuther]

A bloke comes into work one day all battered and bruised. His mate sees him and says ‘ Holy snapping duckshit! What the hell happened to you!’ The first guy says well me and the wife were playing golf yesterday when she’s sliced her drive on the third hole over the fence and into the cow paddock next to the fairway. So we’re looking for her ball, couldn’t find it, so for a laugh I’ve gone over to one of the cows and put a spare golf ball up it’s clacker. Then I’ve called the wife over, lifted the cows tail and said ‘Hey honey, this looks like yours.’

And that’s all I remember.

 

[OliverNuther]

And for the final word on golf you can’t beat this bloke.

 

[Flameangel]

Mark and his wife were working in their garden one day when Mark looks over at his wife and says:"Your butt is getting really big,
I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue "
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his
wife's booty.
" Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Mark is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
" What's wrong ?" he asks.
She answers:" Do you really think I'm going to fire up this Big-Ass grill for one little weenie ?"

 

[OliverNuther]

That’s the difference between me and Mark.

I’d buy a bigger BBQ just so that my wife’s bum didn’t look so big.

That’s just the kind of guy I am.

 

[Flameangel]

That’s the difference between me and Mark.

I’d buy a bigger BBQ just so that my wife’s bum didn’t look so big.

That’s just the kind of guy I am.

Your'e so considerate, there should be more guys like you, if a woman ever asks " does my bum look big in this ?" ....the answer is " NO "

 

[OliverNuther]

if a woman ever asks " does my bum look big in this ?" ....the answer is " NO "

Well that’s how the world used to be when I was younger; nowadays they’re getting implants in their bums to make them bigger! That goes against everything I ever learned.

 

[Ozstung]

Im a Mark type man. I say to the wife when called "ill be there in ive just got to walk around your arse."

As you've probably gleaned im a real ladies man.

 

[Ozstung]

Well that’s how the world used to be when I was younger; nowadays they’re getting implants in their bums to make them bigger! That goes against everything I ever learned.

My wife wouldn't except an inplant in her bottom....

 

[Flameangel]

Well that’s how the world used to be when I was younger; nowadays they’re getting implants in their bums to make them bigger! That goes against everything I ever learned.

Certain races like big behinds but I don't want more junk in my trunk which is why I try to keep reasonably fit.

 

[OliverNuther]

My wife wouldn't except an inplant in her bottom....

WHAT! Even after how you sweet talk her? That’s outrageous!

 

[Flameangel]

Im a Mark type man. I say to the wife when called "ill be there in ive just got to walk around your arse."

As you've probably gleaned im a real ladies man.

Your'e a joker, your'e more polite than that

 

[Ozstung]

WHAT! Even after how you sweet talk her? That’s outrageous!

i know, i know outrageous isn't it, bummed out i guess.

Your'e a joker, your'e more polite than that

Rear lee??

 

[westcoastGT]

And for the final word on golf you can’t beat this bloke.

I have loved this vid for years , its the BEST !

 

[westcoastGT]