“Let’s work the numbers, shall we?” I said to the salesperson. Since I was sitting in a Kia dealership in South Florida, I fully expected the first draft to be full of fuckery, and to be demonstrated on a foursquare form.
I was not disappointed.
When he returned with a foursquare in hand, I immediately interrupted. “Sir, don’t bother with that form. This isn’t 1996. We aren’t focused on the payment. Let’s talk real numbers, please.”
He reacted like an NPC in an Atari cartridge game — he froze when his code was interrupted. “Uh, okay. Sure.”
Our salesman turned over the piece of paper and began writing. “We will give you $1,000 on your trade, and then we will require another $1,000 down. That will make your lease payment $269 a month, plus tax.”
Oh, come on, man.
“Okay,” I began. “We aren’t even close. What’s the sale price that you’re basing the lease on?”
“$20,020.”
“That’s MSRP, sir. Nobody pays MSRP for a Kia. Also, you’ve failed to include the $3,150 of available rebates. Finally, I’m going to need to know what the money factor on this lease is.”
Total deer in headlights moment. “Ummm. Okay. Umm.”
Luckily, at that moment, a bright young man appeared from behind the cubicle wall.
“Sir, I overheard some of your questions. I’m the sales manager here, and I wanted to provide you with some more information.” He handed me a sheet of paper. “These are the lease terms. Here is the residual value, and here is the money factor.”
Finally! Somebody with actual information. “Thank you, sir.”
The sheet showed the variable money factor based on credit score. “Can you show me the beacon you pulled?”
As if by magic, he pulled out another sheet of paper, showing a beacon score of 700, which was far better than what I had seen on my friend’s Credit Karma report. This meant that she qualified for a money factor of .0017, or roughly 4.29% APR. Not the best, but as a first time buyer, I was willing to accept it.
“I’m willing to write a lease based on invoice price for you, sir.” Great, now we were getting somewhere. But this was a Kia store, so I knew that there was money hiding somewhere.
“What’s your dealer fee?” I asked.
“$999,” he shot back confidently.
Fuuuuuuck me. Welcome to South Florida.
“No, we aren’t paying that,” I replied, knowing full well what was coming next, which was…
“Sir, we have to charge that to every customer.”
“No,” I answered. “You have to list a $999 dealer fee on the invoice, because that’s what your owner requires, and also you’re afraid that you’ll get sued for discrimination if you charge it to other people but not to us. I get it. What I’m saying is, you can take that $999 out of the deal somewhere else. Like your holdback, for example.”
His smile momentarily flickered. “Holdback on this car is $483. I can take that out of the deal, too, if you like.”
“Amazing. Now just go find $500 somewhere, and we’ll be in business.”
He came back with what I thought was a pretty good deal. Invoice minus $500, minus holdback and all available rebates, plus acquisition fee and TTL. The dealer fee was still listed, but he turned his screen around to show me where he had discounted the price by enough to cover it. $259 a month including tax, no money down, sign-and-drive for 36 months and 12k miles.
Finish the lease, pay the lease rent and then decide what to do with the car.
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